And so it was with great sadness that I received his SMS the other day. He found out that his girlfriend slept with another guy the day before he arrived. He is so hurt at the moment and he doesn't know what to do. He has lost his love, he is lost in a foreign country, without friends and without family. *sob*
As his token Christian friend, he asked me for advice. I didn't really know what to say at first, since everything I believed in about sex and relationships would be different to him. But in the end I just told him what I thought. I replied in a brief SMS to him, and later supplemented it with an email. Here's most of it:
How're u holding up over there mate? I still can't believe what happened. I can't even being to imagine how u must feel right now. I know that nothing I say will make u feel any better, but I'll do my best to give you my opinion on the situation.
Christianity is not so much a religion, or traditions or rituals. Fundamentally, it's about relationships. Relationship with God, with spouse/partner, with friends, family, work mates, customers, etc. And as I said in my sms, faithfulness is a key aspect in relationships. Because a wife is to be a life long partner, the closeness of the relationship means that faithfulness is so much more important to me. If she cannot be faithful in this relationship, how can we work together in creating a family and in looking after each other for the rest of our lives?
To make it worse, I think sexual betrayal is the worst form, because it is something physical and internal, as opposed to say lying, which is verbal and external. The impact it leaves is far deeper, and its impact is long and lasting. That's why Christians hold sex in such high regard and to be reserved only for marriage. Conversely, we abhor so strongly sexual sin of any nature.
Sexual betray is such an epitome of sin that God uses it to illustration how we treat him. Of all my friends, I think u would understand best how it feels when someone whom you love so immensely and whom you went to great lengths and sacrifice to chase after, now turns away from you, and goes instead to someone who hasn't done anything worthwhile. Imagine if this happens again and again every time after you've forgiven her. Imagine if she keeps sleeping around with other men again and again. That is exactly how we treat God. If you have the Bible I gave you, have a browse of the book of Hosea (check the index at the front). The entire book is exactly about that.
God created us and loved us and gives us life, but we live as if He doesn't exist. We turn away and ignore Him and keep on living lives chasing after other things - wealth, pleasure, fun, excitement, etc. But God doesn't give up on us, and instead sends Jesus to bring us back to Him. He went as far as dying for us in order to bring us back into relationship with Him. But we still keep ignoring Him, and doing things that hurt Him.
It's just like what you did to go after M, and just like what we did when we turned away from God. If you're hurting now, try and imagine how much God is hurting now. The reason I bring all this stuff up is because I think you have a bigger and far more important issue to deal with than your relationship with Michelle - and that is your relationship with God. Turn back to Him now and get into a right relationship with Him.
But Christianity for me is not a theoretical faith - all talk and no action. But it's a practical one. So I'll continue to tell you what I think of the situation. Bear with me.
God doesn't give up on us even though we turn away and ignore Him. But He is patiently waiting for us to come back and say sorry to Him. Now, this is not just a matter of lip service and just saying sorry, but asking God for forgiveness and accepting God and treating Him as He deserves. God is willing to forgive us if we ask for it.
If I was in your shoes, I don't know if I would be able to do the same thing that God did for us. Firstly, you'll have to see whether M is sorry for what she did. Was it a one night stand? Was she drunk? Does she know how hurt you are and is truly sorry for what she did? It's one thing to say sorry, but she needs to show true change in her life in treating you as you deserve.
Even as a Christian, I think I would find it hard to forgive her. But that probably betrays my own stubbornness and hard-heartedness. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive her, don't expect things will be all ok. It'll take a long time for her to be able to amend that trust and for the relationship to be restored. But open and honest communication will go a long way in helping that along.
Rejection.
Saying sorry.
Forgiveness.
Living a changed life.
This may or may not summarise what will happen between you and M. But it certainly describes the life of a Christian. I hope I haven't lost you in all the details. I know there's a lot there to digest, and I've probably dealt with the issue much too intellectually and not personally enough. But I really am sincerely concerned for you and want to help. The only thing I can do from across the world is to pray for you and entrust you to the all powerful, all wise and loving God.
Feel free to write back, and even yell at me if you think this is all a load of crap. I'm here for you waiting for you man.
And so is God.
Your long-winded buddy,
Ernest
How would you react to this? What would you say in response? What about if you were in his situation? What would you do as a Christian?
<< Pray for my friend that he may find comfort from God through this difficult time. Pray that I can be sensitive in speaking with him and giving him godly advice. Pray that he will seek counsel from God's Word and heed the message of the gospel, and in doing so restore his relationship with the Lord Jesus. >>
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