Ernest & Carmen

I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this. Remove your scourge from me; I am overcome by the blow of your hand. You rebuke and discipline men for their sin; you consume their wealth like a moth-- each man is but a breath. "Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were. Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more. (Psalms 39:9-13)

Everything's falling apart around me...well, ok, I'm exaggerating. It's only lots of little things that really have no real significance in the whole scheme of things, but when lots of little things happen, they amalgamate into big things. And this week's has had more than it's fair load of crap. It's been absolutely horrible and I wanna just fast forward to the good bits.

I empathise with the author of the Psalm. I know it's God who's doing this to me, probably to teach/remind me of something. But I just want him to leave me alone for a bit ("Look away from me") so I can be happy in my short time here on earth. It sounds kinda heretical to my ears, but I can understand the "human-ness" of it. It's just bascially saying "Gimme a break!"

I know I need to trust God to know what He's doing. I have the head knowledge, and I even have the experience of putting it into practice, but each time I'm tested, it's just as hard as the previous time. I don't know how much more my frail body can put up with...and I'm only young too... *sigh*...

<< Ask God to give me endurance and hope when things aren't going right. But also ask Him to be merciful to me in His discipline - even if I am forgetful and I need to be constantly reminded to seek first His kingdom. >>